Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson

Author:Jenny Lawson
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 9781250077011
Publisher: Flatiron Books

Cats Are Selfish Yawners and They’re Totally Getting Away with It

The Fourth Argument I Had with Victor This Week

ME: I was just thinking that when I see other people yawn I yawn because it’s contagious, but when I see cats yawn it never makes me yawn.

VICTOR: You know, you don’t actually have to tell me everything that pops into your head.

ME: So then I went on the Internet to find out why that is and apparently we yawn when other people yawn because we see them getting lots of delicious air and our brain is all, “FUCK, THAT LOOKS DELICIOUS. GRAB SOME QUICK BEFORE THAT BITCH TAKES IT ALL.”

VICTOR: So you yawn because you’re selfish. Got it.

ME: Not just me. Everyone yawns because they’re selfish. But I think we don’t yawn when we see cats yawn because they have such little mouths that we don’t feel threatened about them taking our air. And also—did you ever notice that cats don’t make that sucking-in Hoover-y noise when they yawn?

VICTOR: The what?

ME: You know. When a normal person yawns you hear this loud intake of air, like a tire going flat but in reverse. But when cats yawn they don’t make any noises at all. Why is that?

VICTOR: You’re asking me why cats don’t yawn properly?

ME: Is it because they aren’t actually yawning and they’re really just stretching their cheek muscles, or is it that they’ve learned how not to make the gaspy “I’m-stealing-all-the-good-air-and-leaving-you-with-carbon-dioxide” noise so that we won’t gulp down all the air after they yawn?

VICTOR: I don’t even know where you’re going with this.

ME: I’m just saying, are cats not yawning audibly because they want all the air to themselves?

VICTOR: Stop. Stop talking.

ME: You can just tell me if you don’t know. I DON’T KNOW EITHER, VICTOR. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here.

VICTOR: I think we’re gonna have to agree to disagree on that.

Winner: Cats. Because they’re getting a shit-ton of oxygen and no one is challenging them on it.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.